Chokers of the Decade/ RIP Shea Stadium

It's Deja Vu all over again for fans of the New York Metropolitans, as for the second year in a row, the Mets decided that there was no point in playing in the playoffs and officially gave their spot to the Milwakee Brewers. The Mets showed just how much they love Bud Selig, by offering the commish, his team's first playoff appearance in 16 years. In return the Mets will hand over GM Omar Minaya, to the umemployment line. New Yorkers everywhere applauded the deal, as it will give them more time to watch Brett Favre throw Touchdowns, and watch the Knicks have another lottery bound season.

Sadly though Shea Stadium will be reduced to a parking lot after the embarrassing season collapse. But it won't get the ESPN coverage, or Cooperstown induction like its hot older sister Yankee Stadium did. Instead, it will be buried into the ground where it shall rot for eternity. Opening beside the future parking lot will be the poorly spelled Citi Stadium that will house Met disappointments for the 21st century. Hey but at least Carlos Delgado is making 21 million a year!

April 18, 1923 - September 21, 2008

"It ain't over 'til it's over!"
Sorry Yogi, But much like your picnic basket raids, and your ability to achieve an erection The Bronx Bombers tenure at legendary Yankee Stadium is officially over. Eliminated from the Playoffs just hours before the opening pitch, These loathing losers can do nothing but wait for the opening of the 1.3 Billion dollar "New" Yankee Stadium. With a yearly payroll that could have saved AIG and the Lehman Brothers, the 2008 New York Yankees set an all-time sports record as the highest spending team who failed to make the playoff. I don't think Fatty Steinbreinner is going to like that too much.

But from the rest of Major League Baseball and sport fans in general let me be the first to say "HAHAHA." But wait, Yankee fans at least you can take heart in knowing that in the 2009 season, it will cost you a paltry $2,500 to sit behind home plate at the new digs. And If you are a recently unemployed casualty of the recent Wall Street attack well, you can still watch in the nose bleeds for $75. I guess you need to pay for A-Rod's inability to be Mr. clutch somehow.


Useless and Untrue Factoid Alert!! With the loss of the 85 year old Yankee Stadium, the oldest active mainstay of professional sports will now be replaced with 84 year old Chris Chelios.

As a sports fan in general, it is sad to think that after all the history from the Bronx stadium. It will close with a whimper of a game against the Baltimore Orioles. Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Joe DiMaggio, Yogi Berra, Reggie Jackson, Mickie Mantle, Roger Maris, Derek Jeter--all leave with cementing themselves as legends of the ball park. Alex Rodriguez? His greatest Yankee Stadium moment revolves slapping the ball out of Bronson Arroyo's glove like a little bitch.

Facebookin'

As an avid Facebooker, I spend countless ours searching things that have no bearing on anyone. But recently I called my buddy Mark Zuckerman and had him hack into some peoples Facebook to just see what they have posted on there. Maybe people shouldn;t be posting every little detail.
So without further adieu, here are my favorite Facebook statuses.

Tom Brady is Ouchy!
Michael Phelps is amazed 8 gold medals lets you shout 'Live from New York its Saturday Night!'
Kobe Bryant isn't going to let a little toe ruin his season unlike some people.
Marion Jones is happy not to be raping white trash anymore.
Brian Belichuk wishes he didn't screw over karma last season.
Gary Bettman hopes American NHL fans double this year to 24.
Chad Ocho Cinco is wondering if he really made a wise legal move.
Bud Selig is trying to prevent a Tampa Bay - Milwakee World Series.
Sarah Palin is really happy the democrats don't have any balls.
Tony Romo can't wait until bye week to head to Italy with Jess.
Kevin Durant wishes he was back in Seattle.
Russel Brand can't believe 2000 other people turned down the VMA gig.
Shaquille O'Neal is fuck you Kobe, how does my ass taste?

Oh Shit!

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Well it sucks to live in Boston today. But I guess it sucks to live there most days.
Oh well, I'm sure Giselle will help ease the pain.

But for you who need extra therepy. Here's Brady at his finest.

Fat Asses Unite!

NASCAR, Major League Baseball, and the soccer league no one in America cares about hit their annual fall depression as the 5 month build up to Bruce Springsteen's Super Bowl Halftime Extravaganza hits full gear.
Seven months after the NY Giants beat the lousy 18-1 Patriots, American Men everywhere will abandon Church, Sunday "afternoon delight", and yard work. True the NFL has opened the season last Thursday, it doesn't heat up until Sunday. So what can look for in the coming months of the season. Well I called my local psychic, but she was too busy calming John McCain out of a 'Nam flashback after hearing how his November will go.
Instead of doing actual research, I thought I would just go on my gut. Hell if its good enough of the President, its good enough for me! So without further adieu, the next 5 months.

• Week one: The Giants win! Hey Look I'm already 1 for 1!
• Brett Favre starts on fire helping the Jets to a 3-1 start. Old Man Favre then breaks his hip and is forced to sit out the rest of the season. The Jets then go 2-10 without him.
  
• Bill Parcels beats the shit out of Ricky Williams, after he fails his 14th drug test for marijuana. Ricky cries like a baby.
• A Cincinnati Bengal is arrested
• Aaron Rodgers makes his starting debut for the Packers and throws 5 straight interceptions. He is cut the next week.
• The Buffalo Bills play a home came in Toronto. Canadians are confused on why there are 4 downs and no rouge and walk out 5 minutes into the first quarter.
  
• Tom Brady continues being a god.
• Rex Grossman continues being a shitty Quaterback
• Archie Manning announces who he supports in November: Tom Brady
• After reinjurying his foot, Peyton Manning misses the playoffs.
• After reverting back to being a lazy piece of shit, Eli Manning misses the playoffs.
  
• Barack Obama has no relevance in this post.
• The Detroit Lions have no relevance to this post
  
• The NFC west continues to be the worst division in the NFL.
• The AFC west continues to be the best division in the NFL.
• Michael Vick gets out of jail. 2 days later is killed by angry unpaid pit bulls.
• Championship weekend has Dallas defeating Tampa, and New England beating Jacksonville.
• Tony Romo goes to Mexico over the Superbowl bye week. Catches Hepatitis.
• The New England Tom Brady's win the Tom Brady Superbowl. The Tom Brady Superbowl MVP award goes to Tom Brady player: Randy Moss.
  

Oklahoma Thunder(cats)

Hmmm what makes a big loud bang in the sky? A Supersonic sound wave??? No Seattle fans, its technically not the same name, but you can still go into the game banging pots and pans.

With global warning perhaps making weather the next real American danger ahead of terrorism, what could be scary then thunder coming down the court at you? Knickerbockers? Trailblazers? Jazz? What happened to having a team name that actually makes your opponents shit their pants? Like how about the OKC Anthrax? Oklahoma City Bombers? (ooo too soon?) or even the hellacious OKC McCain-Palin '08s? I'm actually shaking right now.

Look at the most recent sport franchise name. Houston Texans? You didn't even Fucking try! you added an "n" in the middle of texas. Thats Just calling it by its state! The only thing scary about a texan is when he's running your country!

Don't worry Seattle. When David Stern has a massive heart attack, and the new commish awards your city a team. The green and gold will once again have the distinction have having one of the worst names in sports