Fat Asses Unite!

NASCAR, Major League Baseball, and the soccer league no one in America cares about hit their annual fall depression as the 5 month build up to Bruce Springsteen's Super Bowl Halftime Extravaganza hits full gear.
Seven months after the NY Giants beat the lousy 18-1 Patriots, American Men everywhere will abandon Church, Sunday "afternoon delight", and yard work. True the NFL has opened the season last Thursday, it doesn't heat up until Sunday. So what can look for in the coming months of the season. Well I called my local psychic, but she was too busy calming John McCain out of a 'Nam flashback after hearing how his November will go.
Instead of doing actual research, I thought I would just go on my gut. Hell if its good enough of the President, its good enough for me! So without further adieu, the next 5 months.

• Week one: The Giants win! Hey Look I'm already 1 for 1!
• Brett Favre starts on fire helping the Jets to a 3-1 start. Old Man Favre then breaks his hip and is forced to sit out the rest of the season. The Jets then go 2-10 without him.
  
• Bill Parcels beats the shit out of Ricky Williams, after he fails his 14th drug test for marijuana. Ricky cries like a baby.
• A Cincinnati Bengal is arrested
• Aaron Rodgers makes his starting debut for the Packers and throws 5 straight interceptions. He is cut the next week.
• The Buffalo Bills play a home came in Toronto. Canadians are confused on why there are 4 downs and no rouge and walk out 5 minutes into the first quarter.
  
• Tom Brady continues being a god.
• Rex Grossman continues being a shitty Quaterback
• Archie Manning announces who he supports in November: Tom Brady
• After reinjurying his foot, Peyton Manning misses the playoffs.
• After reverting back to being a lazy piece of shit, Eli Manning misses the playoffs.
  
• Barack Obama has no relevance in this post.
• The Detroit Lions have no relevance to this post
  
• The NFC west continues to be the worst division in the NFL.
• The AFC west continues to be the best division in the NFL.
• Michael Vick gets out of jail. 2 days later is killed by angry unpaid pit bulls.
• Championship weekend has Dallas defeating Tampa, and New England beating Jacksonville.
• Tony Romo goes to Mexico over the Superbowl bye week. Catches Hepatitis.
• The New England Tom Brady's win the Tom Brady Superbowl. The Tom Brady Superbowl MVP award goes to Tom Brady player: Randy Moss.